Pain and Grace, where there is much pain, much more grace doth abound. It is day 7 and I am doing so well. My muscles are so sore because they are finally being used which is a miracle. They are waking up and working hard for the first time in years. Before I could only be up for 5 or 10 minutes before I would have to sit again. Sitting is all I have been mainly doing for the past 4 years, and that was because nerve pain is so terrible. Nerve pain is different than muscle and joint pain. Now I know the difference because I have had the experience of terrible nerve pain and now I have joint and muscle pain. Nerve pain is relentless, is just always hurts no matter what you do, feeling like a nail is being driven into the middle of your bone all the time. If you have muscle pain, you can stop using it and it stops hurting. Amazing! I also think the pain scale is different for most people. My level 5 was like a normal person's 10. And when I had a good day, to me it may have felt like a 0, but to most it would be their 5. Sounds confusing, but when you have chronic pain, it is something you ponder. Now that I have normal pain, I can justify my theory on pain levels. I am just so happy to have sore muscles again!!! It means I am having a more active life.
To be a mother of five, not being able to work hard or do the simple things like picking up around the house, cleaning, laundry, cooking, it makes you feel like you are useless. When I would hear other women complain about how much work they had, I would just wish I could do it for them. Before my accident, January 12, 2009, I was nicknamed "The Bumblebee" because I never sat down, EVER. I was happily buzzing around the homestead. I wouldn't just walk up the steps, I RAN, I jumped and chased, raced the kids, climbed trees, hiked, cooked, cleaned, gardened, milked a cow, took care of 5 little ones, all the while I ran a full time photography business. When you have abilities taken from you, you begin to really appreciate the little things. I will never forget to appreciate the simple, so called mundane, daily activities of living.
The last two days, I cleaned, I did laundry outside with the girls while I filmed it all, I packed a bunch of boxes for our upcoming BIG move to Tennessee, I cooked many meals, and went for a WALK. Walking, wow. It is such a blessing to walk again. I know I am probably overdoing it, but please understand why...when you have been trapped in a painful body for years, you just have to explore life again. It is going to be a long road ahead to recovery, but I am so thankful that there is recovery, that there is hope again for me.
I feel that God has been healing me and I am so humbled by it. I almost hate to say it was the vitamins and oils I am taking, even though something changed since I started, because I would never want to take glory away from God in any way. God created the plants in them, but still I want to praise HIM for this whole thing. Every day I feel like I am in a dream, that I will wake up and be in terrible pain again. It is such a gift to have had pain because it taught me how to be joyful in suffering, how to be content with what the Lord gave, appreciate every single blessing I have in life, and learn to put all my faith and trust in the one who gave us life. If I never went through these hard valleys, I do not think I could have understood others. I would have lacked the compassion for others.
3 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
5 For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.
6 And whether we be afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effectual in the enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer: or whether we be comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation.
7 And our hope of you is stedfast, knowing, that as ye are partakers of the sufferings, so shall ye be also of the consolation.
2 Corinthians 1:3-7
Even if this does not last, I will never stop thanking God for my window. I have such an amazing opportunity to have another chance to be active. I feel so loved by God that he allowed me to go through so much so that I could learn true thankfulness and joy. Because of my great pain, His grace over me so abounds to overflowing.